here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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