i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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