My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
