My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
