my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
