At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
