I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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