u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
