my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
