i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
