I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We left the knife in your bed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
