How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
