That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
