I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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