Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
