Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
