So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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