drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
