What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
