Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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