Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
