Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
