Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
