i just had sex bonerless
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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