You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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