Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
