i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
