there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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