I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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