I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
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My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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