At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
