You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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