Where is the hickey?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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