Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
