How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
