I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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