im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
