your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
