he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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