i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize