just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
