weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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