can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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