Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
as a side note pls kill me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
