If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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