and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
