I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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