I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
