i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
