My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
