I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
