a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
