I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
