As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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