when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pants are for mortals
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize