He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
