I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
