You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
