if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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