Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
